Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Its Hump Day! So Lets Talk sex

Here are couple easy ways to enjoy as much man candy as you want, without looking like a ho.  Trust me on this one, if men were candy I would have died years ago from a Diabetic shock!

So here are my rules. 

1. Don't be easy, but don't be a prude. 
Sounds easy right? wrong. There is a very fine line that you need to flirt with between slut and prude, one that is not easy to find, but you can do it I have faith. So you go out with this guy for the first time, he took you to dinner, and actually paid! He would not even let you leave a tip! Homerun, keep this one around for a little while. So you get in the car and he has those " I am so gonna get laid eyes" shoot that one down right now. Before this goes any further ask yourself a few questions.
     Do you see another date happening?
        If yes, then give him something to make him come back! More in a bit.
        If no, you can either screw him and move on(slut move) or you can just make out a little bit. 
    Have you slept with/fooled around with anyone he is close with? Fraternity brother, roommate, blood brother etc?
         If yes you might as well sleep with him as everyone will already think of you as a slut. Boys gossip worse then any one I have ever met.
         If no then again give him something to remember you by. 

Friday, October 29, 2010

Fag and Hag take on the big City!



Last Fall the Hag and I took a trip to the big city, New York city to be exact. It was a weekend full of adventures, photo shoots, Shopping and of course Starbucks. Instead of talking about the entire trip, as that would take days, I am going to tell you about our Social Night, as well as give you some tips and places to check out next time you are in New York City.

It was a night to remember that is for sure! We started the Evening with shopping at a little hole in the wall place I like to call Tiffany's!  If you are ever on Fifth Ave. You need to check this place out, it was breathe taking, multiple floors of sparkly things, jewelry and dishes. It was so bright, it was like heaven. And even better there is a Chanel Boutique across the street.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Dating and your Gay

Meet Andy.
Here are some simple things to keep in mind when you start to think about entering the dating world. Especially if you are a hag(as in awesome, not ugly and old). Many gays can be extremely territorial, especially of their upper tier of girls, just ask my wife, or my hag, I am down right nasty. I do not like competition, not that any of the men my girlies have brought around have been worthy opponents, and I especially do not like boys trying to take my girls. I have gotten better with this, but you need to keep a few things in mind when dealing with your gay. 

The Sexiest Thing a Woman can Wear!

Source


I know you are all sitting on the edge of your seats, waiting to know what the sexiest thing you can wear. But not to disappoint you, it's not really just one thing, nor is it a piece of clothing, it's actually a mindset.
Almost every self help book, or fashion women's magazine has talked about this in parts, what makes this one different is two things. First, it's because I am awesome. Secondly I have combined a few different ideas into one overall mind set.

The Sexiest thing you can you wear, is confidence. But its more then just being confident, it's accepting and being comfortable with how you are. Being sexy is completely a mind set, a confident and comfortable woman can make even a burlap sack look sexy.  The first part of this new mind set is confidence, confident that you are a smart sexy woman, that any man would kill to be with. If you can't be confident then Fake it till you Make it! Always stand up straight, make eye contact, and stride with purpose and passion. It is surprising how much the way a person walks, changes how people view them. I am not saying you need to do a runway strut everywhere you go, but if you walk with a purpose, but not rushing you will be amazed. Also when walking straight up, do not hold your nose up in the air, thats A. tacky, B. Rude, and C. makes you look really snobby. Snobby does not equal hot.

The second part of this new sexy mind set is be comfortable. No, this does not mean bust out the sweat pants, and oversized teeshirts. This means be comfortable in your own skin. Next time you get out of the shower, or you get dressed I want you to stand completely naked in front of the mirror.  A. Stop complaining about how you are not going to do this, and B. stop shaking in fear of seeing yourself naked, that defeats the point. You should do this everyday, get comfortable seeing yourself naked. Learn to accept and love everything about it. Instead of bitching about that mole on your butt that looks like a bug, think of it as a butterfly or a heart etc. I know this sounds wicked cheesy but you will be surprised how well it works, and how the next guy to see your mole will think its cute that you think it looks like a butterfly.
So now you have seen yourself naked, and you are getting used to it. Good now start loving that body. If there is one thing my girls all have, it is confidence, in varying degrees. They are all built in different ways, and have things they would like to change, but they have learned to love other parts of their body.

So who cares if you are built like a South American Fertility Goddess? Did you miss the most important part of that phrase "GODDESS" People like you were worshiped all over world for years!
Or who cares if you are built like a twig, drink a protein shake and enjoy your slim figure, some guys are all about that look!

To recap. Walk with confidence, Love your body no matter what you think is wrong with it. Learn to love your body naked in the mirror. Embrace your body type, and make it work for you! Fake it till you Make it! And lastly do not be afraid to make the first move, most guys like this!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Updates, and a look to the future.

Photo source

When I found this photo it fit me way to well. In the last couple of days my life was much like this photo, between work, a social life, grad school and family things I have not even had a chance to check my facebook! Well that's a slight light, but it is definitely close. I am sorry  I have not had a chance to give you another fabulous post about life, but I just have  not had it in me. 

With that said, time to look at what the future, aka tomorrow, has to hold. 

Tomorrow I plan on hiding away in my top secret Gay Bat Cave, aka Bangor Starbucks, and crank out a few new posts to make up for the weekend, as well as a couple back ups. Here are a few ideas I am having. 
1. The Sexiest Thing a Woman can wear!
     Got you excited there didn't I? Too bad, this is actually part of my self-help section. So what is the sexiest thing a woman can wear? I guess you will have to check back tomorrow to find out!

2. Hump Day: What else would you talk about? Sex.
     This post can go one of two ways, and I have not made up my mind quiet yet. I am leaning towards writing about this fabulous little facebook show that I just love, called Sex and Wine with S and J. I happen to be close with the S, and I have actually even been a guest star! I will have to look and see what kind of fun topics they have in the archive.  
     The second idea I am toying with, is some sex tips, because who has better sex then a gay? How can you properly please a man without having the parts? Seriously, I know what I like, so thats what I do!

3. Adventures in the Kitchen: Scones not Stones
     Giving away the basics of my world famous scones. Don't even start talking about how you don't like scones, or that they make you think of cold dry British women, because once you make one of my scones you will never go back to those stones the British try to pass off as decent tea pastries. 

4. Fag and Hag take on NYC. 
    I promised you some social life, and here is the start! I will chronicle the adventures the Hag and I had last fall in NYC, complete with Classy gay bars, sketchy gay bars, a Gay Sports Bar and some really fab. Restaurants. Look forward to this post!

5. Dating and your Gay. 
    There are two posts for this topic. The first topic will be how to find a balance between your love of your life, and that pesky pain in my ass called your boyfriend. Be warned gays can be extremely terratorial of our hags, so here are some basic tips on keeping us happy, with out breaking up with your boyfriend. 
    The second topic will be about to do when you meet the man of your dreams, and then his wife, or girlfriend. Also what to do when said man, asks you out for dinner, despite the wife. 

6. Last but not least it will be the first edition of Girlie Spotlight: Kadelles the chameleon of style, the pros and cons of her wardrobe and how to dress a curvy figure. 


Hope you continue to watch for the new posts, because they are starting to get more exciting!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Social Life Saturday

In light of Social Life Saturday, I spent a little too much time "researching" the topic. I will have a blog up this evening for you all about Social Life and how to make it Fabulous.

Also Look forward to Adventures in the Kitchen, How to cook with your Gay today as well!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Financial Friday! Or What Not To Buy



Source

It's friday so that means let's talk spending money! Above is a vintage Chanel silk skirt suit.  I love a good Chanel suit as the next homo, but would I spend $2,000 on this? Even if it fit me? No. Why? A couple of reasons, one its not flattering for almost anyone. The color alone is ugly, plus it is from the late 1960's. For those who are not in the Chanel Cult, the late 60's was an interesting time Chanel. It was about ten years into her second attempt at Haute Couture at the 75-85 years old. Most of her pieces from this time are not her best by far. If you are going to spend 2000 dollars on a vintage Chanel piece, look for something pre-WWII, and get it in black. Chanel rarely ventured outside of the dark colors, except for the occasional khaki, camel and Red. I know I just ranted about black, but for Chanel there is no better color. Another issue I have with this piece, despite the color, is it is designed for a larger woman, but the pattern is a horizontal stripe. Can you say visual wide load? Plus it's not very structured, so that adds width, instead of hiding it.

Ok now that rant is out of the way. Time for Your Gay Best Friend's Laws of Spending part 1.

1. Never spend more then half your paycheck on a piece of clothing, or non-jewelry accessory.
But of course there are exceptions to every rule in my play book. Let's look at those.
First exception. A Wedding Dress. Never skim on a wedding dress, your wedding is your special day, where every woman wants and deserves to be the center of attention. This is the ONLY thing I would ever suggest spending an entire month's worth of pay on. Hell if you find one you like, spend a couple month's worth of income on it. Make it an heirloom.
Second exception. Classic accessories. Classic accessories come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, with some slight variation for personal taste. Here is a list of the classics.
Black Heels: Every woman in the world should have at least one pair of black heels. These heels should be at least 2 inches, and should be no more then 4inches(some exceptions for higher heels but not much).  These shoes should be something that can go with almost every outfit, and for almost every season. Don't blow three quarters of your paycheck on a pair of strappy black Jimmy Choos. I know that Jimmy Choos are sexy, and they are classy, but think how foolish you would look going to a formal holiday party in a heeled pair of Gladiator style sandals? Yea I thought so. Exception, if you live in the warmer climates, aka where you don't have seasons, like Florida and Southern California. When looking for a pair of heels look at shoe itself, for a good all season shoe look for either a pump, or a sling-back. These are sexy, and can be worn year round, with skits, dresses and pants. I am personally fond of a pointed toe and so should you unless of course you have like a 55 mile inseam. In all my days I can only think of a handful of women who were too tall for pointed toes. If you fall into this category go for a more blunt toe, or a round toe. A peep-toe is also a big hit in my book, as long as it is just a peep, not a full on toe show. And of course if the soles are red, they are that much hotter! So review. 2-4 inch heel(skinnier heels are better. No Wedges for you!) black is key, and all season so either a slingback or a pump. Pointy toes, unless you are a million miles tall, or a peep toe, but not a toe show.  See pictures below.
A neutral clutch: The clutch, probably one of the most useless things a woman could ever have, but one of the most used accessories. I mean what is the point of carrying a round a small bag that you maybe can fit a tube of lipstick, an ID, and if your really resourceful a condom in? With that said this useless accessory is a staple in any woman's wardrobe. Hey I don't make the rules, I just make them work.  Your lifestyle will determine the style, color and price tag for this clutch. If you are a college student who goes out to the bar all the time, but doe not have many fancy events, go for something sparkly, or maybe with a bit more color(not too much tho.) Get a nice leather Dooney at the outlet store.  If you are a woman who has a classier social life then a college bar, get something with versatility and class. May I suggest a black Chanel? Get the picture? And for simple convence stake do two things when shopping for a new clutch. First bring everything you might possibly need when carrying it(money, ID, Lipstick, phone, and condom) this way you can try it out in the store. Even Saks will understand if you bring these in. Secondly get a clutch that has either a removable wristlet or even a nice shoulder strap. Key is make sure they can come off when you need them too. Unless you are the college student at the bar. A permanent leash to your wrist is probably the wisest option.
Your LBD: Like I have mentioned earlier the LBD is one thing every woman must have. If you only own one dress, it better be little and black.  This is another classic that I can totally understand and even support you spending your paycheck, or two, on. What other article of clothing will you ever own can do as much as a good LBD? Nothing. That's right nothing will ever beat this. It is a perfect base for any outfit, from a night out, to a wedding, to a client business dinner.  So how to pick one out. First length, depending on your age, your social life, and your body type the length can range from above the knee to a tea length. If you are a young stick party animal then a shorter skirt is good. Remember it should be short enough to be interesting, but long enough to not give every thing away. If you are older, or larger, or have a more professional social life, go for a tea length. I personally like strapless, because it is the most versatile, but if you do not feel comfortable in strapless, go for a halter top, or thin strap. If you are built like a linebacker go for thicker straps, it makes your shoulders look thinner.  Your LBD should give you a bit of cleavage, but give less away, and leave more to the imagination. If you have some extra baggage around the middle go for an empire waist. Otherwise a fitted bodice is always appropriate. For my own personal taste I like skirts that flow, like an A-line. But if you have the body for it, get something tight. If you need inspiration Google Little Black Dress, Chanel. As she was the creator of the LBD.  Lastly Keep it classy, and keep it black. Add color other ways, not in patterns.
A mid sized purse: No matter who you are, you should have a mid sized purse. I am not talking about a purse that you could fit your entire family in, but definitely bigger then your useless clutch. Here is where you can spend some serious cash, and add color. You should be able to fit the following in your purse: a wallet( or that useless clutch) basic makeup kit(for touch ups) a handful of tampons(do I really need to explain?) a Tide to Go Pen(who doesn't need one of these?) and still have room for all that random stuff that magically appears at the bottom of any purse.  If you are going to invest in a purse, make sure it's classic in design, and is in a color you are going to like for a couple of years. So do not buy some lime green and purple striped Burkin Bag. If you are going to go through the trouble of getting a Burkin Bag make sure its at least a neutral if you can. I would strongly suggest either a black, brown or red purse. All three of these colors go with most things, and do not show dirt as much as say a white bag. Black and Brown are classy, where Red is starting to make a run for class as well, plus it is a nice statement. Also pick a purse that is a complement to the main color of your wardrobe. If you were a lot of pink, don't buy a hot red, or orange bag etc.

Also Jackets are something you can spend a large amount of money on. I have too much to say about jackets, they are a whole other blog entry. Look for that next friday on What Not to Buy!

So there are the classic staples you can spend more then half your paycheck on. Other then that think long and hard about if you really need that pink and blue striped pant suit that costs more then half your paycheck. lastly never spend more then half your paycheck on something you will never wear more then once or twice.