The Fag Hag Survival Guide part 1.
AKA the Care Manual for your Gay.
So you have made one of the biggest and best decisions in your life. You have adopted your first Gay! In the next few Weeks I am going to give you some tips and tricks on how to take care of your gay. As we are fickle, temperamental and fabulous creatures who need to be handled with care.
Regular Contact: How can I give you fabulous advice, make fun of that 5 dollar top that looks like a shag carpet, or help you figure out if that cute boy at the bar is interested in you, or just looking for a new Hag if we do not talk on a regular basis?
Once upon a time my Hag and I were inseparable, spending at least a few hours a day together, and texting regularly. Today I had the shocking revelation that I had not seen my hag in a week, and the only text I have received was "Get this foccacia out of my sight! I've already eaten half!" Sadly this has become quite the trend, and as the uber judgmental, paranoid gay that I am, I have been lead to believe my hag is cheating on me with another gay. The bitch. When you adopt a gay, it is a lifetime commitment, unless of course you show up to a party in something that looks like it belongs in a 1970's Bachelor shag pad, then you are on your own. I understand that people are busy; hello between work, school, this blog and my book I barely have enough time to wax my eyebrows, let alone track down my hag. So if you are like my hag, who is uber busy as well, here is my suggestion at the very least you should text your gay every 2-3 days, just so we know you are not dead. Because if you are dead, I need a full week to grieve, plan a fabulous funeral, and start interviewing new hags. Even if it is some pointless text about foccacia, or some girl walking down the street with a crimp job(a part of me just died writing that), it at least let's me know you are not dead.
Well I have to run, the fabulously busy life of a working gay is calling. More to come next week!
