Randomness Ensues

Hello world!

I hope you all enjoyed my foray into drunken blogging last night. It was a test to see if that was the kind of direction I wanted to take this blog. I started this blog years ago to be a collection of random life lessons that I was hoping to one day turn into a book. Then it died. Then like a zombie I brought it back to life, but now I think it is time to give this blog a new purpose in life, well undead life. While I will continue to post random life lessons for hags, and aspiring hags, I am also going to post random crap that I find funny, things that irk me, and other crap. I can't promise I am going to continue post regularly, as I am a manic ADHD gay who works crazy hours.  Now for an entertaining text convo between my sister and I about my Ex, being fat, boobs, and using butt fat as lamp oil.

My Parents went to Gay Disney and forgot me at home

Source  Well they did...

So today I got up super early and was so productive(which is really odd) that I decided I should make the hour long trek to my parents home to see them. Thankfully I checked facebook first. My mother had just posted a photo of the New Hampshire Bridge. For those of you who don't know the "green bridge" is the major landmark that shows you that you are officially leaving the Glorious state of Maine. As I grew concerned I checked further, and found out that my parents were in fact leaving the state, and committing the most horrific of crimes; they were going to Cape Cod without even telling me!!! For you who live under a rock at the end of Cape Cod is this magical little village known as Provincetown, or as I like to call it Gay Disney World. It is a quant little fishing village where Drag Queens roam freely, there are like a million sex shops and everything is rainbow colored. Then somewhere in the middle of this is a large population of Portugese catholics. It's truly one of the most amazing and magical places I have ever been, other then San Francisco of course, but this is like the East Coast's answer to San Francisco.

Then to rub salt into my bleeding wounds of being abandoned by my parents I log on to facebook and see this:

My Mother:Well, we made it to the Cape in one piece. Got to our cabin and unpacked. Sitting back now enjoying the breeze...life IS good!
So of course I had to comment; well rather the 4 beers I have already had this afternoon had to.

Me:Thanks for letting me know you are spending the 4th of july in the gayest place on the eastern seaboard, while your awesomely gay son is stuck in bangor with phish... P.S. I was going to come down and visit today, then I saw the post of the New Hampshire Bridge pic. Again, thanks for letting your child know you are leaving the state mum.
Mother:Call home once in awhile!*your sister*'s home doing nothing i am sure-Love Mum
Random interjection from a relative: blah blah blah not related.
Me:But while *My sister* is pretty awesome she is no gay Disney world(P-town) full of glitter and rainbows. And phones work both ways Edith**
Another random interjection, this time from my high school french teacher:  Enjoying the mother-son repartee. Just spend an enjoyable time with *your sister*. Hope you all have a nice 4th!
My Mother:(trying to suck up for abandoning me) Enjoying the mother-son repartee. Just spend an enjoyable time withKaileigh Duym. Hope you all have a nice 4th! 
Me:I am going to spend my fourth with grouchy hungover fish heads demanding coffee instead of drag queens on a beach...

I think I officially have won this epic battle, as there has been no response from her in the last hour. I am going to mark that as a win. And I am getting too drunk to be overly witty at this point.

*My Sister* I changed her name to protect her from the shame of my drunken blogging
**Edith, as in Edith from All in the Family Edith. It's a family joke that I just call my mother Edith when she does something foolish, stupid, or cold hearted, like leave me home when she goes to gay paradise.


That's all I got tonight, I am too drunk to continue blogging much more. Hope you enjoy this new feature for Your Gay Best Friend's Guide to Life. I am trying something new out.