Another Delightful Exchange With my Sister.

I have to say the conversations I have with my sister are some of the highlights of my day. I was reviewing some of our old conversations and I have decided to give you some tidbits of humor to brighten your day.


Sister: Jesus moms cats.
Me: Yes
Me: You just saw the post?
Sister:Yeah I worked today.
Me: Yea...
Sister: I knew she was getting them but didn't know it was today
Sister: They look like assholes.
Me:Yep
Me:But she is happy
Sister: She is replacing us
Me: Haha
Me: The sad realization that we are being replaced by cats...
Sister: yes
Me: #crazycatlady
Sister: You can be Elle Mae
Sister: I'll be Jethro
Me: hahaha

Sister:

Me: Oh sweet Jesus

Sister: That's moms cat

Me: Do you have kitten envy?

Me: hahaha

Sister: No Fuck cats. They're gross, and hairy and fishy. All things bad.

Other Delightful tidbits from my lovely sister

"Dude I am in Caribou. It's like crazy. Not like I love the city or anything but holy shit. When asked about local restaurants to sample, our concierge suggested Burger King"

"It would have to be the perfect time of year where the ground is firm but not frozen"-Discussing grave digging.

"Oh. Nevermind. That sounds like a disgusting ass drink. Are you sure I'll like this guy?haha"

"by sweetheart do you mean fugly?"

Me: We are releasing "Oprah Chai" next month...

Sister: What on earth... Oprah?

Me: She is getting involved with Teavana... she made a custom Chai blend.

Sister: ooohhh I see. Like a tea bag?

Me: Probably. and loose at Teavana stores.

Sister: Fancy

Me: "Can I get a venti Oprah?" Please shoot me

Sister: Hehehehe graaaande Oprah. Nonfat

On my birthday

Sister: Happy Birthday! Hope someone made you a cake

...

Sister: Ooo! Eat steak

Me: I don't eat red meat lol

Sister: FINE

Sister: Have chicken you picky bitch.

Sister: ;-)

Me: So my new doctor is straight up fucking with me. First it was throat gonorrhea now it was Anal Pap smears...

Sister: Duuude what is their prob

Me: I know right?! I guess it checks for anal cancer and anal STDs

Sister: Gross. They are either thorough or judgy.

...

Sister: Well then they are thorough. Not creepy weirdos.

When I am home sick with double compacted pneumonia 

Sister: In Ells

Sister: DON"T DIE I"LL BE THERE SOON

Sister: :Like that you are going to be avian flu man?

From Ugly Ducking to Graceful Swan, Well More like a Canadian Goose...

I would like to take some time and thank two wonderful Queens who have adopted me since my move to Haverhill,MA. Selena Kyle and Venessa Sweet have become my Fairy Drag Mothers and shown me how to become a star. Selena met me and saw the diamond that I was hidden underneath a whole lot of rough, sass and a bit more then a touch of trash. At this point in my life I had been preforming as AmanDa Fondle for 8 years, and was one of the longest standing queens at the University of Maine. I had preformed at a number of bars and shows, and had the pleasure of sharing the stage with Mimi Imfurst from RuPaul's Drag Race. But even with this impressive pedigree there was definitely some work needed.

Look at that Kesha like hot Mess!

Did I mention Trashy?

Ok This one is a favorite

 So This is the Pre-Make over Amanda. I was uncoordinated, had no concept of contouring and all around hot mess, but what I did have going for me was personality and persona. Amanda had no shame, especially after a cocktail or three. Some famous lines include: "Who do I need to blow to get a drink around here?" "Same as yours baby, AManDa Fondle!" or my personal favorite "That boy is like a mobile Chinese buffet, Delicious, tasty and terrible for your hips." Like I said before, Amanda was not the classiest broad out there, but at least she was funny.

So enter Selena and Venessa:

Venessa and Selena

Miss Selena Kyle

Miss Venessa Sweet

These two queens took me under their wings and taught me how to go from Trashy hot mess, to the Drag Princess I am today. They have shown me how to move and how to properly contour my face. Here is what I look like today.

Look at that Cleavage! and those cheeks!

No wig, just make-up and some towels and I still give good face!

You can give me a pretty face, but Amanda will always love the Vino

And at the End of the night, I still have work todo

I have come a long way with more then a little help from my Fairy Drag Mothers, but I still do have a lot of work ahead of me, but I have two of the best teachers around to help me along the way!
Thanks for everything Selina and Venessa! I would not be half the queen I am today if not for you two!