This post is brought to you by the two bottles of wine I attempted to consume last night ( I only half succeeded).
Yesterday was a really hard day for my family. Everyone is ok, it was just a long emotionally draining day, which ended with my sister and I shopping for booze at a beverage warehouse near my parents place. I bought these two bottles because I thought they were pretty, with the intention of drinking both of them like I used to be able to. By the time I finished the first one I was well on my way to blackout town. When I get to this point I tend to pull out my phone and go through my contacts, bestowing 60 second clips of pure joy and delight upon my unsuspecting victims voicemails. I have become quite famous, well infamous, for my drunk dials to my girls. I normally do not remember these calls, and have to be told about them the next day, but this time I have a hazy recollection of the evening so I decided I should share some dos and don'ts of the drunk dial. Follow these simple tips and you will be well on your way to becoming a famous drunk dialer too!
1. The first thing is make sure you are adequately intoxicated to be humorous, but not so drunk you can not speak, or operate your phone correctly. The last thing you want to do is accidentally drunk dial your boss instead of your best hag. You also want to be drunk enough that if you say something you are going to regret in the morning you can totally play it off like you were so drunk you have no idea what this person is talking about.
2. Have a plan. Nothing to serious, cause lets face it, you are pretty much 3 sheets to the wind at this point, but have a sketch of an idea. Like I usually drunk dialed people while I walk home from the bar. For two reasons, it makes the walk so much more entertaining, and secondly people are less likely to fuck with you when you are on the phone. (I get a touch paranoid when I have been drinking heavily). I like to have a rough idea of where I am going to be when I do drunk dials, and I have an idea of who I am going to call. To the point where there was a time I was going to the bar quite often and the girl I called at a certain point would answer the phone with "No you can not pee on *blank fraternity*'s sign".
3. Who to call: Be careful when planning out who you want to bestow these lovely gems upon. I tend to stick with my girls, who do not have kids, and who are not light sleepers and/or ones who will still be awake. I do not call boys for the most point, especially ones I am attracted to, as that is just a recipe for disaster. Think of people who you think would enjoy your little gems of wonder. Best friend=awesome, your mother=not so much.(although I once accidentally drunk dialed my dad who happened to be drunk as well and it was probably the best conversation we have ever had and don't remember.)
4. Limit yourself. You want these to be short and sweet. Enough to get some great laughs, but not so long the person gets bored with you. No one likes a 3 minute voicemail, no matter how entertaining you find the fact you fell over into a lilac bush and found a wild wildebeast in front of your house. (turned out to be a woodchuck, but still).
5. Keep it humorous. Like I tend to use a few inside jokes, tell them where I am currently, just incase I get kidnapped, and then reiterate the fact I am shit housed a few more times, then move on to the next victim in my phone.
Keep these rules in mind next time you are drinking heavily and enjoy yourself! I hope you enjoyed the little insight into my drunken mind.
